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a song of ice and bitch i might

(via nerdqueen-deactivated20131222)

Source: ariannsmartell

Today fucking sucks. I miss my daddy. How has it already been a year? What have I done in a year? Fucking nothing. I came home from college to go to RV. That’s great. Not failing or anything. I’ve lost more friends than I can count. I’ve cried more than I think I ever have in my whole life. I’ve fallen apart time and time again. I don’t want another year like this. I can’t handle another year like this. I can’t do it. I need to be happy again. I need to be okay with my life again. I can’t keep going on hating myself and everything I’m doing. I need to feel better. And I’m terrified I won’t. Ever. Adn it scares me that I even think that I may never get better. I’ve been down that road before and it didn’t end well. I don’t want to be there again. And I’m trying so hard to fight against it but I’m getting so tired of it. Everyday is a fucking struggle. Everyday I have to put on a happy face and hold it together until I’m finally alone. And then everything comes pouring out. I can’t keep doing this. I just can’t.


Because I do.

please make it stop. keeps happening over and over again


please make it stop. keeps happening over and over again

Source: my-dead-spirit


“I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won’t tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn’t change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have.” 

Source: bawsslady

I feel like I’m drowning. And I know I have a lot going on right now but it’s called being an adult. So of this is what being a grown up is like will I get used to it or will I just never get better? Will I go through my entire  life just being miserable and not wanting to be here but put a smile on my face and pretend to be happy for everyone else? And is getting used to it really any better? I’ve gotten used to be sad. It’s comfortable and familiar but I don’t want that to be my life. I know it’s wrong that I’m so used to being sad and I want to be happy more than anything. I want to be happy more than I want my daddy back and more than I want Ryan back and more than I wish none of this past year had ever happened. Because I know I’ll be stronger for it, once I get through this. I know when other things happen in my life, other events, tragic or not, I’ll be better equipped to handle it. I won’t end up so low again. But that’s only if I do get better. Right now that doesn’t seem possible. And I hate that.

I don’t know where this post has gone. I rambled and now I’m a little lost. And I don’t feel like going back through it and trying to figure it out. But I suppose that’s what happens every time I write. I get lost in my own thoughts. It happens when I’m not writing as well. Just obviously only in my head. Rather than on paper for everyone to read. Not that I’m expecting people to actually read this. I’d have to think a lot of myself to expect people to actually read through my post. I’d like to be able to help other people going through hard times. Who knows if that’ll ever actually happen though. I guess just if someone does read this and they are struggling they’ll know they aren’t the only one. Maybe that’ll help.









Today would have been Mr Rogers’ 84th birthday.  Thanks for showing me how to rock a cardigan and always been a kind neighbor.  

true story:

one time some dudes stole mr. rogers’s car, and it got into the news, like you’d expect

the next day the car was back where he’d left it with a note that said “we’re so sorry, we never would’ve taken it if we’d known it was yours”

I like to think they recognized this as a sign from god and turned their lives around

another true story: mr. rogers lobbied in favor of vcrs back when the tv and movie industries were against them, because he wanted families to be able to record shows and watch them together

he was always, always thinking about children, letting them know it’s okay to be sad or scared or mad and how to deal with it, letting them know there’s at least one person in the world who loves them just the way they are

and no matter who you were, no matter why you crossed his path, he wanted to know about your life and understand you and be your friend

I believe he is a for-real saint and I wish I could be more like him but it’s okay, I know he loves me just the way I am

Another true story: one time he received a letter from a blind girl who mentioned that she gets nervous sometimes that he’d forget to feed the fish.  From that moment on, he made some comment outloud about how he was feeding the fish so she and any other blind viewers would know that he hadn’t forgotten. 

Always reblog Mr. Rogers.

i’m actually crying you don’t understand

hey i never realized how much of a cute old man he is.

(via strawberritaa)

Source: suicideblonde